Fun with Material Lust and Bitching.

Firstly, there’s something I’d like to get off of my chest.

I think I’ve outgrown most of my old friends and sadly find that many of the things that interest them do not interest me. I’ve also noted that their style of conversation to that of mine has differ to such extremes that I sometimes feel sadden and also offended with their banter…

In some ways, I feel kind of sick of listening to them ramble, ramble and ramble about extremely narrow viewed items. I guess you could say that I am bored with what I am hearing but then again, it isn’t as if the things that are conversed are interesting to me, it is just that the delivery and responses pretty much suck.

Hai…

Ok, with that said, let’s move on to other things.

Alright, some loot updates! I’ve purchased some items of lust but have not bothered mentioning them on my blog, because I was too busy assembling them or just spending too much time playing them. Anyhow, the latest in my ever ongoing material lust, I have finally broken down my resistance towards buying “unneeded but extremely cool stuff”.

I bought this keyboard.

The Razer Tarantula. Yes, watch as it glows!

Reason as to why I bought it was to replace my old Logitech keyboard, which has a damaged “K” and “V” key. I tend to cuss a lot when chatting online, so the missing “K” key really cramps my style. Anyway back to the Tarantula. It is shiny like hell and has this cool looking logo on its centre that slowly fades in and out, as if its emanating a super, uber plasmatic power source from the 4th dimension.

Other than being a cool looking keyboard, it actually feels very good. Its keys have a very short travel time and has this great tactile response, as I am typing to post up. Though it is pretty costly and pretty much just a keyboard, I had decided that if I were going to build my next PC and have the old parts replaced, I might as well go somewhat overboard with it, seeing how long I have been so frugal with my purchases lately.

So yeah, one post just to bitch and announce my new loot…Great blog post, eh?

Farewell CNY…Hello Bananas! =D

In my druken stupor, listening to Andrea Bocelli’s Romanza makes me realize how much I want to fall in love and finally be in a mature, meaning and responsible relationship with someone…

I had thought that I had become hard and stale over this thing called love but…

I guess I was meant to love and be loved by someone…Based on the voices and feelings I feel.

Personally, I think I can live without a companion seeing how much I spent my time alone anyway. As much as I admit to liking this solitude but I do feel quite envious to see others happy and have their feelings reciprocated…

I had a good evening actually, an impromptu dinner and a weird assed spectacle of fireworks has left  me content and happy…For experiencing lost feelings and lost moments…

Plus, the heavy assed liquor, god this cant be good for my health! lol

I want to try harder now…To finally find the one and be completely at peace.

Perhaps then I will be able to vanquish this weird hole I sometimes find in myself…

Perhaps…

Or perhaps I am destined to stay alone for the rest of my life…

I pray not but then again, I am ready to accept such a consequence of a unfulfilled life…

Perhaps.

Perhaps.

God, please forgive me for the sins I’ve committed…

Please…
 

No one wants to read your blog! A list of reasons.

I was reading this post by Darren Rowse at Problogger.net concerning the definition of being a blogger and a few thoughts came to mind.

I believe that the following are the pitfalls that those who are venturing out into blogging usually encounter. I will admit that my blog is not the best but based from my observations, the following are my failings and could pontentially be the same for others.

So here we go! List-time!

1. Isolationist behaviour.
2. Fear of publishing actual personal opinions.
3. Convulated, pointless and long winded rants.
4. Non-existant reader interaction.
5. Failure to making conversation with the readers.
6. Not having a specific reporting niche.

And finally, the worst failing,

7. Getting too ‘emo’.

Oh wait, that isn’t the worst.

8. PROCASTINATION

So what do you think? Makes sense?

/Perhaps not, since no one is reading. 

Non-Defunct, Still Active.

Just a brief reminder to myself as well as those who still stalk this blog.

I’m still with the living and have plenty of fresh idea’s as to revamp this blog. I have plenty to write about, after my 8 months long of exodus, so content wise will be plentiful.

So dont hate me if I dont update anytime soon.

Don’t be the enemy, I’m just the underdog.

I’m can’t sleep.

I’m not bored as well.

I’m a little tired but I can’t seem to fall asleep.

I am starting to think that the reason as to why I can’t sleep has probably to do with the increased workload I’ve been assigned to today. Not to mention the odd Pinoy vodka drinking session I had last night.

Should I sweat it all out and just crumple into a stupor?

Then again, I’m lazy. =P

To which, I decided to blog. =/
So, what am I to blog about tonight?

As usual, in the maelstrom of my mind, I have aplenty to say but also as usual, it is all in a massive jumble of thoughts and unconcluded observations.

I guess for this post, I’ll speak about nothing.

Nothing in particular that is.

So let’s start shall we?

In the past few months of working and just basically doing nothing particularly significant, I noticed something that I never did note before.

As one grows older, one must work harder to achieve their goals.

As compared to being young and youthful with more or less everything either excused or pardoned from, being older means being expected to shoulder responsibility an expected precise manner.

This simply means, no more complaining, no more excuses, no more second guessing one’s actions and also most importantly, just shutting up and keeping your most private and most personal opinions to one’s self.

Getting older probably means losing the trust towards other human beings. Though I am surrounded by the best workmates I could have ever asked for but we all do understand the need to stay professional and not intermix our personal lives with that of our duties.
This to me…is quite scary yet very comforting to me, all at the very same time.

This basically means that as much I’ll probably lose out on true human commaridine with them, I’ll probably not get hurt as well.

Ok, this is quite a weird subject. I cannot even conclude what the heck is the finality of the above chunk of text I’ve just, a few seconds ago, produced.

Alright, let’s move on then.

I am not tired yet so I’ll touch on more sensitive issues then.
Lately, I’ve been watching ‘How I met your mother’. Yes, those who think it’s a show for pansies can laugh their guts out now.

I’ll wait for you to choke on your lung or something before continuing.

Anyway, watching that show made me realize how futile the idea of dating and finding the ‘one’ really is. I kind of identify with the characters on the show so I somewhat sympathise with their plight.

Though the main protagonist does indeed find the ‘one’ but the futility of the whole exercise really does scare a person. When I was much younger, all I thought about was getting laid and just having physical fun.

As I got a little bit older, I then realized how horrific the side-effects of hesitation and lust can do to one’s psyche.

Not too long ago, I came to the conclusion that I’ll probably never feel the same way towards any other women in my life as I had during the time in which I finally did see my picture of perfection.

So what’s left of me now?

I’m kind of burnt out by it all to be honest. There is no such thing as a forever nor is there ever anything fair when dealing with these sort of things.

I mean, let’s think about it shall we?

I’ve been pretty much screwed in the head and life in the pass 4 years prior to landing this post here in Brunei.

I was financially screwed, mentally screwed, physically screwed, socially screwed, futuristically screwed.

And it all then somewhat ended when I went supernova and ended up as a white dwarf.

When it all ended, when everything in my life had ended so badly, then came this fresh beginning on my life. A bigger paycheck, a cooler job, better perks as well as becoming what I had wanted to be career-wise, an employee hired by a foreign country.

All in all, my career is going swimmingly. Sure there have been its ups and downs but I’ve never felt this relaxed in my work life.

It is probably to do with the fact that in my personal life, almost everything that I once believed in has been purged and hidden away from my thoughts.

It hasnt been easy, yes, but at least right now in this time and day, for the first time in 4 years, I can actually see the future of what I could possibly achieve in my life and not just that black void of losing the love of my life and watching my life just end as quickly as it started.

So many good things are happening to me now, material wise, but on the emotional level, it is pretty dead now.

I guess after so many years of screwing my life up, I guess even the gods took pity towards my situation and even bestowed me the chance to move on.
So…
I still miss her. =P
Which I will admit contradicts everything I’ve said so far. =P
Guess this is what the god’s have in planned for me all this while, huh?

I wonder if she still thinks of me. Guess she probably does and curses the very existance of my being for messing up so many things along the way.

I still do dream in a positive way in which I wonder how things would have turned out between us.

I’d wager that it would have probably turn out the same way anyway.

Oddly enough, everytime I offer a prayer to the gods above, I still do pray for her happiness. You may think this is bullshit but seriously, I do. Every single time I’d do this. She deserves it cause she is a good person.

I guess I still hold on a bit for that possibility but, nah, it ain’t feasibly anymore.

At least now I can say that I had at one time felt what it could have been and knew how it felt.

Guess that’s one less complication in my life, right? =P
Ok, guess it is about time that I sleep now.

Kinda sad that blogging makes me sleepy but in actuality, I enjoyed typing this out. Though I am doubtful anyone would be happy to slog through all these text.

So that’s it.

Yay! INTERNETS AT LAST!

If you’re reading this post, it would basically mean that I have finally gotten my Internet connection.

One thing I must state concerning the service here is simply this single word alone, WOWZA!

At damned last I can finally download torrents unimpeded at a consistently whopping rate of 120KB/s!

So what does a Internet-deprived person does first once he gets his ‘fix’ once more?

Damn, that song was truly epic dude.

My 1st EVER Team Away Day that was FUN.

NOTE: Photographs inbound! TBU!

Me, looking like a psychopath.

As promised, this post is about my job and my workplace.

HOWEVER, I’ll talk about the team away day event that was held last Sunday at a beach at Tutong. =D

Thanks to this event, I had to return to Brunei on Saturday night after a day filled with errands, supply runs as well as a family dinner. =( As apprehensive as I was in sacrificing a precious weekend, I went to the event anyway (for the fear of being fired the next day if I hadnt).

The event started from 0830 and ended at about 1630.

Inner Psycho-graphy

I know this will sound very weird but I think I make love to the world by photographing it. =P

After the beach shoot, I took some time to think about the reasons as to why I enjoyed it so much. Shooting on that day was fun nonetheless but the actual fun was reviewing the photographs afterwards.

Looking at the beautiful shots I made as well as the drama and the energy contained in them makes me feel happy. I may not have been a part of the actual action in the photographs but I kind of feel as if I’ve been given a glimpse at a private secret between them.

It is very rewarding also to know that the photographs I shot will be taken a shared by those whom I photographed for the sake of memories, at a time when the time in which we all will depart is close to come.

Wondering

My buddy and I in an undated photograph, est 2000.

I’ve come to realize that I’ll never be culturally refined.

Nor to the fact that I’ll never be termed as a ‘good-looking’ guy.

I too lack eloquence in my conversational speech and I am quite a bore to talk to, unless of course one’s to delve into my more erratic and odd topics.

I may never have great fashion skills nor will I ever possibly look good in clothes.

I am in every way the total opposite of what women would possibly want in a man.

The week of Boss lunches.

I’ve had quite a few interesting “boss” lunches over the past week.I am too lazy to list out the observations I’ve had but I think I prefer having lunch with Westerners and followed by Malays. Chinese men as bosses exude a level of arrogance and an expected level of respect. They act as if they were placed on some god-damn plateau of sucking up that they expect from their ‘followers’.

UGH!

Anyhow, I havent really had the chance to say this but I find it odd to find that when having lunch with one superior’s, one always is inclined to put on a defensive posture and not be totally relaxed with the proceedings.

After so many years of misguided education as well as misguided observations, it has come to my attention that bosses are people too. As hardworking and stern as they may seem from the outside, they are people just like us grunts, just trying to make a buck and just get on with their own lives back home.

One thing I found very amusing to note is in those conversations, how easy it is to talk about one’s salary and as well as asking their’s. Though no specific numbers were given but a usual percentile figure is given to give one a guess estimate of their salaries.

Armed with this sort of information, I believe I will be better placed in negotiating a much more appropriate salary range in the future! =D

Wish me luck!