As Miri turns two, I turn blue.

As the title implies, I just got back from the celebration concert that was held at City Fan today, commomerating the 2nd year of Miri’s City status. No pics since I didnt feel the need to record the event nor was I interested in lugging my equipment. Then again, the event wasn’t as great as I would have thought so nothing lost.

Seeing that this is indeed my first blog post in many, many moons, I should at the very least recap as to what’s been going on with my life of the late.

As those who’ve been reading this ‘postless’ blog of the late will know, I am finally in Brunei and am officially employed! I think I should sum up my experience in Brunei early on in this post, seeing the tendency I’ve got to ramble on and on before I make my point, such as the current structure of this sentence would definitely imply.

Ok, Ok!

I love it!

I love my life in Brunei!

I love my job in Brunei!

I love my friends in Brunei!

I technically love the country but then again, I haven’t set foot out of Kuala Belait and Seria but I currently like what I see.

Brunei has really turned out to be what I had hoped and dreamed that it would be. A totally new start to my stagnant and quite problematic life. I feel so happy to be actually living the life I’ve got there, though admitably is still indeed in its infancy.

I also learnt a lot of things in Brunei. Things that did not make sense to me in the past now has become a lot more clearer, a lot more defined and understandable due to my recent experiences in that new environment. I have somewhat found a certain level of peace and a whole great deal of freedom. I guess you could say that I am on the path towards zen-hood but hey, who am I to kid, right?

But really, it’s so good that I sometimes wonder how was it possible that I could have made it to this position and to be treated with such respect and kindness by those that I work with……A marvelous and quite frankly, truly, a fresh breath of air!

I feel alive actually and really do look forward to going to work. As compared to my previous jobs, people here actually treat me with respect and listen to my queries and comments. They listen to me and actually treat me like a human being. People joke around with me and I too join in the fun whenever I am available to chime in.

Yet with all this wonderful news of my renewed life, also comes some negatives associated with it.

As odd as this will sound to you, the problems that I currently face are those that stem from my past. People that I once called friends, but now considered acquaintances, are now coming out of the woodwork, trying to take advantage of my position in helping them secure jobs in Brunei…

I say this simply because I had the great misfortune of meeting a person of this sort tonight at the Miri City Celebration Concert. I find it very disheartening to hear his order that I find him suitable postings and positions in Brunei. This is coming from a person that never did once looked for me during those great 9 months of solitude. He never initiated a meet-up, though I did conduct one so that I could apologize to him for my rude behavior during times come and gone.

After that, I never heard a single peep from him. Not a single word. Then again, I was never compelled to seek this ‘acquaintance‘ of mine simply because I was so fed up with his incessant bullshit and odd convictions relating to the ethics of ‘work‘.

Oddly enough, the week that I started working in Brunei, he actually e-mailed me, which I will tell you upfront now was a totally and extremely rare event. You’d be luckier winning the lottery than to receive such a thing from him. Anyway, in the e-mail, he stated that he wanted to apologize and be friend’s with me again. I then responded with a long e-mail stating my point of views as to what my definition of being friends meant.

I replied in such a manner because I wanted to let him know what I wanted from friendship and wanted to be as clear as possible as to my perspective towards friendship. Sadly, all he said in his reply was that it was too deep for him to understand and he then somewhat ignored the matter.

Then again, I’ve known months before hand from another friend of mine who told me that this ‘so-called‘ friend of mine was actually waiting for me to enter Brunei so that he too could ‘copy’ my methods of securing a job there. As flattering as that may sound to you but in all honesty, it sounded as if he wanted to use me to get a job there. All I saw in the recent gestures he made truly did indicate that what I had heard meant that my hunch on the matter was absolutely correct.

When I met him tonight, all I told him was that I was very lucky to have gotten it. And really, that’s the truth. I was in the right place at the right time and was tremendously helped by my old boss whom I was very loyal to. My current boss also helped pushed the organization to hire me in the end so I must say that I was very lucky to have these great men as my boss. That’s how I got the job, nothing more, nothing less.

Now moving on, let me horrify you with other observations I’ve seen as well ever since I’ve gotten the job. I have another friend of mine who seems to be now quite determined to improve his lifestyle and standings in life. Coincidentally, it all started ever since I told him that I would be mobilising to Brunei in a month’s time. During this single month I spent preparing for the move, he suddenly became somewhat unapproachable. Topics I would have with him during my meet-ups with him would be more like him stating to me that he was trying very hard to become ‘better’ than me in all sorts of things.

Honestly, I don’t really care what he does with his life since it is his own but to see a person whom I consider a close friend turn into this sort of person saddens me to no end. I don’t boast about my job but I do talk about the amount I am being paid for, to perform the job I was tasked to do when conversing with him. I just wanted him to know, that’s all. Perhaps I was gloating too but in all honesty, I just wanted to share what I knew and had with him.

I just feel that he has turned into someone who’s trying to compete with me now due to some kind superiority complex that he may or may not possess. An ideal that he may possibly believe that no one can ever be better than him in anything in life.

Perhaps I am being a bit too critical and cruel to him but I am now trying to reserve my judgment on him. I am indeed giving him the benefit of a doubt and just hope that this is just a rough patch as well as just a phase that the both of us are just going through.

Sure, you must think I am a big asshole for saying these things about my friends but really, I am just stating what’s on my mind in this present moment. Perhaps I am indeed an asshole who hasn’t discovered the cruel and sick joke that’s been placed on him but I frankly do not believe that it is such.

Maybe those who actually care could enlighten me as to what my true character is like on the outside and I will try to improve upon my shortcomings. Then again, I doubt anyone would since if they had already concluded that I was such, they couldn’t be bothered in spending time with me talking about it.

My, my, my! Look at all ramble and rants I’ve made in the post above! I haven’t gotten to the part as to why I feel blue!

I guess I’ll just reserve it for another post in the future in this case.

I however have one more thing to say before I end this post for tonight.

I still live in a lie.

Good night folks and may the anus-less dog bring you great fortune!